I also wish I could say that my wedding day was one of the most significant days in my life, but it wasn't...and I don't mean that in a bad way, but to me, the act of getting married has not even come close to being as important to me as being married. In fact, it wasn't until a few months after Jared and I said our do's, when I was lying in bed watching him sleep, when I truly realized how much I loved him, and what it meant to be his wife.
Sadly, the moments where I felt that I was the epitome of me, occurred when I was four. And yes people, I have a few very vivid memories from the earliest part of my life, and I guess that is probably why I think of them as defining.
So what are those moments??? Let me tell you...
- When I was four my parents took my brother and I to the circus. This was a big deal because my parents didn't have a lot of money. Not that money is important. I had the most wonderful childhood, but only on the rarest of occasions did we do something that cost money. Well...when we were at the circus I saw this girl playing with sparkler-type thing, and I wanted one so bad, but I didn't want to ask my parents for one because I knew it cost money, and I didn't think they had any. I didn't want them to feel bad if they had to say "no."
- The other moment occured around the age of five...my dad and I were driving back from the doctors office, or church or something like that, and I'm not sure if I told him I knew how to get home, or if he asked me if I knew how to get home from where we were, and I did. So I started giving him directions...but not only did I know how to get home, I knew how to go the way where we would have to drive past McDonald's...so of course when we drove past McDonald's, and I hoped with all of my little heart that my dad would stop. But he didn't, and I never said anything.
I guess the reason why I am bringing this up now is because Jared said something yesterday that struck a nerve in me. We were talking on the phone and he said "I wish we had more money," and immediately wanted to shudder, but instead of giving him a lecture about why money isn't everything, I asked why, and he said "Because I keep thinking of things I would like to get you for Christmas." Sweet, right??? Well maybe to the average person, but I basically replied by saying "I don't need anything." Then he said "But that's what Christmas is about." Which of course made me snapped back "Christmas is about the birth of the Son of God, Jesus. It isn't about presents."
Which brings me to today...I woke up thinking about how I wish I could have just ask all my loved ones to donate money to a charity instead of buying me a bunch of very practical gifts for Christmas, but I came to the conclusion that not only would they not respect my request, but I would also take a little bit of joy out of the holiday for each person I said that to. Then, I began to wonder why I had a hard time enjoying the Christmas season...and it all came back to those two moments, and my constant desire to live as frugally as possible.