Defining Moments

Do you every sit back and think about the defining moments in your life? The ones where you realize you were no more yourself at that exact moment, than you are the person who you are today? Or those experiences that helped shape you into the person you are?

I do.

I wish I could remember the moment I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior, but I don't, well maybe a little but I was three. Seriously.

I also wish I could say that my wedding day was one of the most significant days in my life, but it wasn't...and I don't mean that in a bad way, but to me, the act of getting married has not even come close to being as important to me as being married. In fact, it wasn't until a few months after Jared and I said our do's, when I was lying in bed watching him sleep, when I truly realized how much I loved him, and what it meant to be his wife.

Sadly, the moments where I felt that I was the epitome of me, occurred when I was four. And yes people, I have a few very vivid memories from the earliest part of my life, and I guess that is probably why I think of them as defining.

So what are those moments??? Let me tell you...

• When I was four my parents took my brother and I to the circus. This was a big deal because my parents didn't have a lot of money. Not that money is important. I had the most wonderful childhood, but only on the rarest of occasions did we do something that cost money. Well...when we were at the circus I saw this girl playing with sparkler-type thing, and I wanted one so bad, but I didn't want to ask my parents for one because I knew it cost money, and I didn't think they had any. I didn't want them to feel bad if they had to say "no."
  
• The other moment occured around the age of five...my dad and I were driving back from the doctors office, or church or something like that, and I'm not sure if I told him I knew how to get home, or if he asked me if I knew how to get home from where we were, and I did. So I started giving him directions...but not only did I know how to get home, I knew how to go the way where we would have to drive past McDonald's...so of course when we drove past McDonald's, and I hoped with all of my little heart that my dad would stop. But he didn't, and I never said anything.

So what's my point, and why do I think those moment define me?

I guess the reason why I am bringing this up now is because Jared said something yesterday that struck a nerve in me. We were talking on the phone and he said "I wish we had more money," and immediately wanted to shudder, but instead of giving him a lecture about why money isn't everything, I asked why, and he said "Because I keep thinking of things I would like to get you for Christmas." Sweet, right??? Well maybe to the average person, but I basically replied by saying "I don't need anything." Then he said "But that's what Christmas is about." Which of course made me snapped back "Christmas is about the birth of the Son of God, Jesus. It isn't about presents."

Which brings me to today...I woke up thinking about how I wish I could have just ask all my loved ones to donate money to a charity instead of buying me a bunch of very practical gifts for Christmas, but I came to the conclusion that not only would they not respect my request, but I would also take a little bit of joy out of the holiday for each person I said that to. Then, I began to wonder why I had a hard time enjoying the Christmas season...and it all came back to those two moments, and my constant desire to live as frugally as possible.

Then, for the first time, I let myself cry for the little four year-old that was so concerned about money that she could ask her parents for a sparkler or a happy meal...

Planning Ahead

Since moving to West Virginia, I have mainly become a online church "goer" because I have had to work almost every weekend due to being matched up with a preceptor who strictly works weekends so she is able to stay-at-home mom during the week...because of this I still consider myself a regular at the church I have been attending since I was twelve. So with that said, my second addition to Wedded Wednesday is sort of inspired from a sermon I just recently listened to entitled "Overcome My Need to Have it All."

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The sermon last weekend focused on determining your non-negotiable values and making decisions ahead of time.

This isn't a concept that is new to me because from a very young age, my parents have always told my siblings and I that before they got married they decided that they would never get divorced.

They planned ahead. They made decisions about what they were going to do before certain situations presented themselves. When time were tough they kept fighting because they promised they would.

So you naturally, it would have been easy for me to incorporate these concepts into my own relationship...but, I didn't. And as a result, not only have I hurt people that were, have been, and continue to be important to be, but I've also hurt myself.

• Do I have regrets? Sure.
• Have I made mistakes? Absolutely.
• Am I still a good person? I hope so.
• What have I learned? I need to decide what kind of person I want to be, and do everything I can to be that person.

I am now, more than ever, a firm believer that thinking/planning ahead, and making decisions about what you are going to contribute to your marriage, and how you are going to act in challenging situations is the key to a successful relationship.

With that said, I want to share a few of the decisions/values that I alone, and a few that Jared and I have decided to commit to no matter what happens.

1. I want to be a woman of God, to be a living example of His grace, and mercy, and love.

1 Corinthians 10:31

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

2. Divorce is not an option.

3. Jared and I will make all major decisions together.

4. I will always support my husband.

5. I will raise my children to know, and love God.

6. I will love what I do, and find something else if I don't. (So far I do love my job!)

7. I will be a faithful wife both physically and emotionally.

8. I will never (intentionally) speak disrespectfully of my husband.

9. We will be fiscally responsible, and make giving back to the church a priority.

10. I will always look for ways to improve myself; paying special attention to how I can develop a more meaningful relationship with God, and my husband.

Everyday, when I wake up, these are just a few of the things that I am committed to doing. Of course it took me a while to get to a point where I felt comfortable incorporating these decisions into my life, and it most certainly will continue to take dedication to maintain this list of values...but in the end I know it is going to be worth it. It already is. I have never felt more secure about who I am, and the relationship that I'm in than I do today...and as far as I'm concerned, it's only going to keep getting better.

I peed in a taco bell cup.

Don't judge me!

You probably would have done it too if you were in my situation!

...so I had the day off. I pretty much sat around my apartment and did nothing from 9AM-2PM...I know, tough life, right??? Well I wanted to do laundry, but it was so windy that I didn't want to leave my apartment but finally I decided that I needed to get out and do something, so I decided to go out and run a few errands.

On my way out I saw a fire truck in the parking lot of my apartment building, but it didn't look like anything serious was going on, so I left.

After I went out and got nothing that was on my list, and a few things that weren't :) I decided to cave into a craving I have had for the last few days- taco bell!!!! You gotta love those chalupas! And man, am I glade that did because it took me over two hours to drive the last 0.5 miles to my apartment!!!!!

Apparently those fire trucks that showed up to my apartment hours earlier, were there because some power lines had been knocked down. I should also mention that there is only one way to get to my apartment. Nice, right???

So after being out for hours, I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I was forced to take off my pants and crouch down between my seat and the searing wheel and pee into my taco bell cup. Classy, right???

This is my real life.

I think I am going to stay in tomorrow.

My Favorite Holiday Treat

When it comes to Christmas, I've never really been big on decorating, gift getting, or even gift giving...the one thing I really love about Christmas is:

Ohhhhh....these cookies are heavenly!!! I took me forever to find these suckers at Walmart today, and they only had two boxes left! **tear** I was hoping to stock up :)

Other than that, my day has been pretty mellow. I worked all weekend, had Monday off, then worked two day. Now I have today and tomorrow off before I work four days in a row, and then have three days off. Yeah, I can't keep that all straight either...my schedule is pretty odd.

So today I joined the fitness center at work. Other than a $3 fee for the security card, it is free, which I love!!!! The downside is, that it is teeny tiny. So while I was out running errands today I snagged a couple of fitness DVDs from Goodwill for $3/each.

Plus, a Tommy Hilfiger purse for $4:
I've never really been big on purses...I usually own a black, and a brown one and use them until they are ragged...or broken, LOL. Right now I only own a black purse, so I've been looking for another neutral colored purse and I was pretty happy when I found this one! Sure it's not great, but it will do for now. I'm trying to spend as little as possible until I get a feeling for what my monthly expenses are going to be. Unfortunately, I already have to start paying my student loans back this month so I don't get to do anything fun with my first couple of paychecks :(